Hello there, Muggle readers! I’m Rita Skeeter, award-winning journalist for the Daily Prophet, here to spill all of the juicy details from the Highball’s Harry Potter Extravaganza and Dance Battle at Hogwarts!

I’m not sure what kind of spells those Houndstooth wizards used, but they managed to transform the Highball ballroom into a stunning replica of the Great Hall of Hogwarts, including the floating candles! And yes, that is the Mirror of Erised in the corner. (I took a quick peek and saw myself surrounded by Pulitzer Prizes.)

The Highball house elves had spent all day preparing a delicious feast for the party guests, although I fear the poor things were worked to the bone by those dreadful Malfoys.

Before the festivities began, I managed to snag an exclusive interview with the master of ceremonies, Lord Voldemort! He shared a few highly confidential secrets with me, including his strategy for dance battle victory. Even though I promised not to divulge his plan, I can tell you that it involved several embarrassing dance moves from the early 1990s.

Once the doors to the Great Hall were open, the guests began streaming in. This was THE event of the wizarding world season, and every magical celebrity was in attendance.

A-Lister Harry Potter was there, of course, with his friend, whose name I’ve forgotten, although he’s OBVIOUSLY a Weasley.

Moaning Myrtle was her typical party pooper self, even after a house elf tried to cheer her up.

There were plenty of Death Eaters there in support of Lord Voldemort, and they couldn’t seem to stop showing off their Dark Marks.

As with any high profile party, there were some questionable attendees, including the looney Luna Lovegood and Professor Trelawney, who probably couldn’t even predict that she was about to have the time of her life.

And some Death Eater even managed to smuggle in a Mandrake! How terribly inappropriate!

Tom Riddle’s Diary made a rare appearance, so I took the opportunity to ask it a few questions about life post-Basilisk fang. Apparently, it’s adjusted to being rid of Voldemort’s soul, and it takes great pride in having its own movie, as opposed to all of the other horcruxes that were bunched together into two films.

During the sumptuous feast, guests were treated to a re-enactment of the entire Harry Potter series by the Institution Theater (fabulously entertaining, although I would have liked to see my cameo extended) as well as trivia hosted by John W. Smith. The competition was fierce, and the lucky winning team was awarded the prestigious Golden Snitch Award.

Soon, it was time for the Dance Battle to begin, and wizards and muggles alike prepared their best moves and spells for the dance floor.

The SuperSet launched the battle with beats by DJ F*ckin’ A and fierce performances by the SuperSet dancers, who were sporting some rather scandalous uniforms!

It didn’t take long for Voldemort to initiate a showdown on the dance floor, and I have to say, dear readers, I witnessed some dance spells that defied all imagination!

Everyone fought valiantly, but in the end, the dance battle was won by a trio of fearless Death Eaters, who celebrated their victory with cheers and a round of butterbeer.

Revelers remained partying on the dance floor well after the battle was over, with Voldermort enjoying special attention from some of his followers.

It was certainly an extraordinary evening, although I hope that all of the wizards in attendance remembered how to make the Hangover Cure potion the next day.

And remember, no matter what the Quibbler may tell you, there were absolutely no Crumple-Horned Snorkacks spotted at the party.

THIS JUST IN! My sources have informed me that the SuperSet is already working on another event, a celebration of Cowboys & Aliens on July 30th. I can’t wait to tuck my Quick Quotes Quill into a cowboy hat!